Stop hating on the space shuttle

An ill-informed comparison that deserves to be shot out of an airlock

This is a change of pace from my longer pieces. It’s a quick 2-minute read (with silly pictures). Please consider Forwarding, Sharing or Liking this post so we never have to hear this comparison again.

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We’ve all heard someone say,
“My phone is 100,000x more powerful than the space shuttle.”

I heard it again recently, with all the news about another celebrity going to space.

But this time… it was just one too many.

I should’ve said something. I should’ve taken a stand. But I didn’t.

So now you get to experience my delayed outrage: my protest against an ill-informed comparison that deserves to be shot out of an airlock.

System check.
Initiate overreaction… in:
Three…
Two…
One…

Who the hell do you think you are?
Is this expression supposed to be a tech bro fist bump? Or… some kind of flex on NASA?

Either way—you are not Gordon Moore (of Moore’s Law). You’re no Steve Jobs (legendary founder of NeXT Computers). And you’re certainly not Elon Musk—SpaceX, Starlink, Neuralink… FLOTUS?

You probably don’t even use the calculator on your phone, do you?

You probably don’t even use your phone… as a phone.

The space shuttle computer was basically a calculator wrapped in tin foil.

Your phone was built to swipe, scroll, and send blurry nudes across the globe.

The space shuttle made it possible to take a photo of the globe.

And unlike your phone, it wasn’t designed to hijack your brain with dopamine—like you’re some kind of trained monkey.

But not this monkey.

This monkey is a fucking astronaut.

And I’m willing to bet he could calculate BOOBIES on a calculator faster than you can find the app on your phone.

Have you been to space?

No.
You haven’t.

You are no Katy Perry. Or anyone whose boobs have their own orbit.

(I wonder if she had airplane mode on when she snapped this pic?)

Here’s the thing:

When you tout your phone over the space shuttle—that’s your mental calculator on airplane mode. No data.

You’re completely forgetting the team of geniuses that calculated trajectories with pencils, paper maps, slide rules, and nerves of steel.

And what about the countless geeks down at mission control?! Forget about them too?

It was these humans (and a monkey named Albert II) that got us into space and back.

The first computer used in space was the Apollo Guidance Computer—in 1966—five years after the first space mission! And it only had a 1Mhz CPU and 64Kb of memory.

Yet somehow… they pulled it off.

You’re… still trying to calculate BOOBIES, aren’t you?

So.

The next time you proudly declare your pocket computer’s dominance over NASA tech, consider this:

Are you a NASA-level genius? Or just another monkey—dancing on TikTok to the latest hit from global icon, UNICEF ambassador, chart-topping artist… and now, astronaut: Katy Perry.

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This bit was inspired by a passage I cut from one of my AI essays.

By comparing our powerful phones to early spacecraft technology, we’re unintentionally diminishing the greatest piece of tech ever: the human mind. The comparison neglects the brilliance and ingenuity of the people who got us into space, suggesting their genius is something we can now casually replace with pocket-sized gadgets… Maybe with AI, it will.

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You know what I just realized? Your phone calculator can’t even spell “BOOBIES.” Try it.

(5000000 + 300000 + 10000 + 800 + 8) = 5318008 → 🔃

Where’s that grade school calculator when you need it?

On the fucking moon.