Traumatised by rap. Healed by rap.
I recently gave a little production update on the next 6 episodes of BGH and massive 4-part story/rap I’m working in for episode 12. In this post describe the inception of this whole idea and give a little sneak peek into my process.
When I was a kid I used to have a stutter. Actually, I still do. But, like Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill wiggling her way out of lower-body paralysis, I’m a fucking fluency assassin and used my massive mental abilities to just figure it out.
Then & Now
The true story of how I wiggled through life to the point where I can now perform live, begins with an embarrassing moment in 7th grade. I could barely speak with any fluency, but desperate to be one of the cool kids, I went along with our groups’s idea to perform our book report as a rap.
I ended up hating rap for a decade.
Since then, I’ve collected a seemingly endless supply of hilarious material on my journey to fluency. So what better way to cleanse those clattering skeletons in the closet than by writing and performing a 4-part story rap.
No, I’m not trying to be a rapper. But today, I love rap. Especially artists like Lil Dicky / Dave Burd, who normalized rapping out about your insecurities and ultimately popularized a more vulnerable side of the art form. So this story isn’t just about taking you on a journey to fluency, it’s my long-lost love letter to rap.
This story isn’t just about taking you on a journey to fluency, it’s my long-lost love letter to rap.
Book RAPorts: The Album
To make things more complicated, after demo’ing the first stabs at this story, I was inspired to write a whole album of RAPort’s. These will be completely independent from the podcast and be my first foray as a musician that does more than hit things.
I’ve already demo’d The Great Gatsby and The Handmaid’s Tale. Now I’m narrowing down the premises for the next 4 RAPorts. So for today’s Scott Dikkers Writers Room I’m going to share these initial ideas for feedback.
Song / Lyric Hierarchy
Book RAPort Premise / Takes
Goals:
Narrow down to 4 books.
Get preferences on premises.
Riff on jokes/takes/etc
1984
Just list all the things that happen in 1984 — the kids didn’t read the book at all.
The book reporting is done by the teacher asking questions.
Reference those “Born in XXXX” books. Breakdancing, Reagan, mullets.
They think it’s a history book.
The kids are doing this rap in the 90’s. They were only 2 years old in 1984. So many better things have happened since then…
Lots of irony around what classifies something as better are our keys to the actual story points.
“Just wait a year… it get’s better!”
Enamoured by the film, Back To The Future (set in 1985), the kids just rap about the movie.
“We know the book was 1984. But did you hear about Doc and Marty in 1985?”
The kids hate their actual big brother so can 'totally relate.’ This is the only point they’ve fixated on.
The report is the the kids making analogies and references between their actual big brother troubles and Big Brother from the book.
“Big Brother watches you? So does my bro. Always hogging the TV.”
“Oceania’s just like my house — no privacy and constant yelling.”
Room 101 is a class where the kids go whenn they can’t find a line that rhymes with “Orwell.”
“1984 was a bore? Uh… Or-well.” To Room 101!
Something about double-think being too much work for grade 7. That’s their main complaint. Nothing else.
“That’s grade 8 thinking, Miss!” Misplaced focus territory.
Catcher In The Rye
Dropout life. The kids use the book as success story. They obviously did not finish.
They think, “who needs school?”
Ironically they end up expressing the very point of the book (loss of innocence) through their realization that without school/parents, there’s no rules to break — That’s what they miss.
The teachers plays a bigger part in this song as, upon her appreciation/explanation/retort, the kids still don’t get their own actual accidental success story.
So. Much. Swearing. The kids are amazed that this is a book they were forced to read.
As such, they focus exclusively on all the swear words. “’Teach, you assigned it. Let us FREAK!’
Only when a new swear is used do the kids bring in actual book reporting…
The kids tell the story like it’s a crappy video game review.
More of a modern take.
Phonies are like NPC’s
Side quests are whack. Who’s the bad guy? Where is The Rye?
Lord Of The Flies
“Why not just build a boat?” (Chorus)
The RAPort kids wonder, amongst all the chaos, this was never mentioned.
This could be the chorus after each described conflict descends them into madness. Misplaced focus moments: miss the themes about power, fear, and savagery. The kids (RAPort’ers overconfidence as they assume they’d do better than the characters. “Just build boat bro.”
A Rap BATTLE between Ralph (order and democracy) and Jack (chaos and tyranny).
This would be a typical rap battle with disses thrown at each-other based on their personas and points of conflict in the book.
The kids imagine it as season of survivor
It’s Survivor: Middle School Edition, bro.”
They rap like they’re the host and each scenario is a fun game to win the big prize. “Last kid standing wins the conch!”
Pride and Prejudice
Elizabeth’s Diary — this would be a girl rapper
Elizabeth Bennet writing/rapping her thoughts about Darcy in her diary. “Dear Diary: Darcy’s a jerk…
The story is told through a Phone Dating Hotline
Love that this could be a back and forth. Maybe even with some rando’s in there. Would need super verisimilitude.
The issue is this is far fetched for kids to do as a report.
That said, I did see tonnes of these ads late night when I was kid.
Another RAP battle: Between Darcy and Wickham
“I’ve got land and loyalty, you’ve got… lies and loose cash.”
Etiquette Coach. A historic rap about all the rules of being a lady
Animal Farm
The kids see it
They describe it as a farm fable and simply question when animals go missing or do weird things. They don’t go deeper than, “Life on the Animal Farm.”
COULD be funny if the lyrics and music is overly playful.
The kids make a rap just about the expression, “Four legs good, two legs bad.”
Reference all the other things that are better in 4’s.
“Old Mac Donald” But super dark
Other considerations
Brave New World
The Scarlet Letter
I missed the writers room because it’s on at an ungodly hour for me, but if I’m allowed to cast my vote I would ditch 1984 and go with the rest. Most people have heard of 1984, but it’s very rarely read (I think there was a study that it was one of the least read best selling books or something, like Hawking’s A Brief History of Time).
If you think about this from a purely commercial perspective, all of the books you have there (probably excluding 1984) are books studied in high schools. They’re perennial favourites. If you do a rap for each one, you’re going to have a built in audience of either students or teachers across the English speaking world.
Good luck with it.